I Make My Journey

I’m not a surfer (yet 😉) but I swear to you I’m riding the waves.

About two weeks ago, I moved 5,000 miles away from home without a single soul I know to Uluwatu, Bali, Indonesia. 

In many moments I feel exhausted by the sheer weight of being a foreigner in a strange new place. I wake up to limbs that feel heavy with lead. I know getting out into the sunshine will lift my spirits but it feels impossible to move. It’s all so... overwhelming. Learning to ride a scooter for the first time, trying to find a home, figuring out the hard way that my electricity will run out if I don’t purchase more from the convenience store (you read that right) and my water will run dry if I don’t order a truck to refill my stores.

And then a split second later, I find myself riding my scooter along the coastline, looking out over miles and miles of emerald cliffside and crystal blue water. An effortless smile greets my lips as I belt Linger by the Cranberries into the wind and tears stream down my cheeks.

I’m right on time.

Growing up in the United States, a country synonymous with instant gratification, I’ve noticed how much this mindset has infected my psyche.

I’m intrigued by the parts of me who want to already have my perfect weekly routine, be dropped right into community, know all the best spots in town, be an expert surfer, and have the confidence of a local.

If I were to use an analogy here — it would be similar to a karate kid expecting to excel from green belt to black belt in only two weeks.

What if I could bypass the struggle, confusion, and arduousness part of this journey? Would I genuinely feel happier if I could skip a few grades? 

In the short term, perhaps. Instant gratification offers a surge of feel good chemicals into the body, after all.

But the trade off is a costly one. I would be robbing myself of the opportunity to expand my confidence, self-trust, and resiliency.

Every single time I bump up against a wall and choose to find another way around instead of collapsing into it, I expand my nervous system’s ability to be with discomfort.

In Egyptian Hieroglyphics, there’s a saying that goes, ‘Ari — a hai — a’, meaning ‘I make my journey’.

A historic proclamation that captures the persistent human journey — enduring, complicated, and relentless. A timeless concept that discriminates against no one and no thing.

This season of life doesn’t feel easy. It’s not the perfect picture my ego wants to plop itself into. There’s a lot of beauty and possibility, but also a lot of fear and loneliness.

But I’m making my journey. I’m leaning in instead of leaning out. Seeking instead of hiding. Asking questions instead of drawing conclusions.

And as I do so, I feel my roots growing deeper and branches reaching taller. The wind is blowing through me and I’m surrendered to the natural cycles of life. There’s a peace in my heart.

With love,

Kylee